The Strange Haze Of Things
by Harpy Wings
Summary: Draco is introduced to a Muggle drug and finds love within two people he knows he can never have. Late b'day present to you all. Slash & drugs. DM/TN, DM/HP
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **The Strange Haze Of Things  
**Rating: **T  
**Genre: **Spiritual  
**Pairings: **Draco/Theo, Draco/Harry, Blaise/OC, Theo/OC  
**Summary: **Draco is introduced to a Muggle drug and finds love within two people he knows he can never have.  
**Warnings:** Slash, mentions of drugs and sex.

**I've been looking around the net and I've come across a few stand alones like this and they really amazed me so I wanted to write one. It's a kind of late 'happy birthday'. Anyway, please enjoy! **

**The Strange Haze Of Things**

It was Blaise who introduced them to it. He'd spent most of his summer hanging around some Muggle girl he wanted to sleep with. He didn't like Muggles, he just wanted to spite Draco, who told him he never would. He did, in the end, but that wasn't what was important. The girl, Hannah might have been her name, was into a Muggle inventions 'drugs'. Draco thinks it's stupid; it's just a long white stick, really, but when he, Blaise and Theo settle into the dungeon room, he takes it from Blaise, who had lit up and taken a drag, his eyes lighting up.

The first time he inhales the smoke he chokes. But after a while it becomes easier and breathing the smoke is like breathing air, just so more addicting. He doesn't hallucinate like Blaise said he could, he just gets really relaxed and seriously hungry. They go the kitchens and eat more then their body weight in anything sweet and fattening.

Then they stumble into their dorm and collapse in a heap, sleeping the day away.

Draco isn't sure how it happens but smoking joints starts to become a ritual. They don't do it everyday, just on Friday nights, with stacks of food, the three of them alone in the dungeon room. Draco has never been more relaxed, more in tune. He forgets that his father is in Prison and that his life is surely falling apart and that he has to hate Potter, the one he's sure he's in love with.

He's been friends with Theo for longer then he can remember. Actually, when he thinks back, he can remember. They were six and Draco had made Theo cry so the boy pushed him into the lake. They'd been like brothers ever since. Theo, Draco knows, has an addiction problem. He's an alcoholic and a chocolate addict and Draco knows that soon he'll be so addicted to the joint he'll treat it like an everyday habit. Draco tries to make him stop but Theo is as stubborn as he is fierce and Draco has to give up. He simply makes sure the younger teen doesn't over dose; it's all he can do.

Draco tells them one night, while sailing high on the heavy clouds, that he loves Potter. The other two laugh until they're crying and Draco laughs to, not because it's funny but because laughing is addictive. While he's high he lets his imagination take hold of what he'd want to do with Potter. By the time he wakes the next night his head isn't the only part sore.

Draco loves Theo like a brother, but when he's high and infatuating with Potter, he starts to think that maybe he's been fooled by his love for Theo. Maybe it's more then just brotherly. He tells Theo this when the three decide to venture outside. It's midnight and the sky is a deep, dark inky blanket and they're sitting in the stands. Even though there is a breeze the three of them feel hot and tingly.

Blaise is singing and doing some strange dance with the joint dangling between his fingers. He doesn't pay attention to Draco and Theo, who are laying back on the seats together, their only connection is their laced fingers.

'I think I love you,' Draco says, more to the sky then the other.

Theo makes a content noise. 'Same here.'

'No,' Draco shakes his head and he feels dizzy when the spots of stars swirl. 'I think I _love _you.'

Theo doesn't say anything but Draco thinks he knows too, because when they finally decided to head inside, Draco and Theo's hands still laced, Theo kisses him. Draco kisses back and he can taste the smoke and the booze and the chocolate and the warmth and he imagines Theo being Potter.

Theo and Draco decide they may just be in love.

It's a strange few months of being in love with Theo. They're only affectionate when they're high but neither minds. Draco feels guilty when he wakes after Friday because he knows that every time he kisses Theo he imagines Potter. Despite all the guilt he never tells Theo.

They're high when they sleep together. Both of them are virgins and they'd probably be stumbling and confused and anxious if it wasn't for the drug. Instead they're smooth and flawless in movement and they laugh and pant and feel so alive. In his mind Draco moans Potter's name, in the morning he suspects it wasn't just in his mind.

They never officially end things. They still kiss but they never sleep together again. Before Draco knows it he's leaning in to kiss Theo who pushes him away. 'I'm dating your cousin,' is all that he says.

Draco feels even more guilt, if it's possible, because he knows his cousin well and it'd kill him if he found out that Draco and Theo slept together. Neither bring it up, it's a silent agreement not to say anything.

Finally Theo decides to stop using. He gives up alcohol too and Blaise goes whinny but Theo doesn't back down, it's the stubbornness again. Draco wishes he could give up but he can't, he needs the drug because Potter is dating the Weaselette.

Every time he sees them he wants to be sick. He knows that Potter never was nor ever will be his but he feels possessive anyway. He tells Theo so while he's high and the younger is simply sitting with him in the stands.

'I know,' Theo says with feeling.

Draco wonders if Theo is still in love with him. He never asks.

Draco drifts through the war on a cloud of smoke and it's at the Graduation ceremony when he's actually completely sober. Theo is married to his cousin and he knows that Theo never told him about them and he's not sure if he's happy about that. The day before the wedding Theo kisses Draco and says, 'I never loved you'. It makes Draco feel better, but not by much.

At the ceremony he sees Potter holding hands with the Weaselette. He feels the sickness and he ignores it while he stands with Theo and Blaise. Theo looks bored and Blaise looks stoned off his face, which he is.

'You should tell Potter,' Theo suggests when McGonagall ends the laborite ceremony and they start hading to the after parties.

Draco raises an eyebrow. 'Why? Would you do it if you were in my position?'

Theo doesn't say anything, but Draco goes for it anyway.

He finds Potter alone, before he leaves for the Weasel's house. Draco is sitting in the stand when Potter walks up. The former Gryffindor never saw him and Draco had just lit a joint, looking up guiltily. Potter apologizes without feeling and turns to leave.

'No,' Draco says quickly, blowing smoke. 'Stay, I wonna talk.'

Potter doesn't believe him at first, but finally gives in. He sits down and frowns as Draco holds the joint. He wants to be sober for the talk. 'Since when did you do weed?' Potter asks.

Draco looks down. 'Blaise.' He looks back into the green eyes and he feels higher then he ever has before. 'I just wanted to say, so you would know, that I've always loved you.'

It sounds strange coming from him sober but it's out there like the thin lines of smoke and the soft swell of breeze. Potter looks skeptical. 'Is this a joke? Are you high?'

'I wish,' Draco mutters. 'But it's the truth.' He shrugs like its no big deal and resists taking a drag.

Potter doesn't say anything for a long time before he leaves. Draco finally takes a drag and relaxes. At least he got it out.

It was a few years later when Draco had a job and his own place away from his childhood home, when he realized his life was headed downhill. He was still doing the Friday ritual with Blaise and he saw his cousin and Theo whenever he could but he had nothing, really. He was an empty shell in an empty life that was filled with hazy smoke.

He realized that the only person he could have been with he'd lost. He'd lost Theo.

He promised to stay the night while he was cousin was out of town. They had a kid now, which still amazed Draco. Theo hated children.

When the house was quiet Draco dragged Theo outside and lit up a joint. He offered to Theo and with a small amount of hesitation Theo took it, dragging deeply. They were sixteen again, smoking outside under the stars while the school slept, unaware. Looking back Draco was amazed at how they'd never been caught.

'Do you love him?' Draco asked, leaning against the side of the house.

Theo was taking a drag and he turned his face away, blowing out a cloud of smoke. 'Yes.'

'Did you love me?'

Theo smiles, his eyes cloudy. 'I love you, Draco, but I was never _in _love with you.'

'I think I love you.'

'No you don't. You think you do because I'm the only person you've been with and because Potter never loved you. Look at you, Draco, you're still doing this shit and still chasing yourself 'round in circles. You need to grow up out of being sixteen.'

It's all Draco needs for a wake up call. He quits the weed and the Friday rituals and he doesn't call Theo for a while. He has to sort some shit out. He gets a proper relationship, but he isn't in love. Zac is a lot of things but he isn't Theo or Potter. He tries to cut both of them from his life, but it's hard. When he breaks it off with Zac he finds an old stash of weed he'd forgotten about. He's been seven months sober but he doesn't care because life is boring and dull and he doesn't have Theo or Potter.

There he goes, bringing them both up for his problems. He know knows he loves Theo, not like he loves Potter nor how any real, surviving romance should be but it's love and it's strong enough for him to be depressed realizing he was gone from him.

He smokes alone and he lets the smoke make his mind hazy.

He doesn't know why but he turns back up on Theo's doorstep. Lucky for him his cousin isn't around. Theo frowns when he sees his bloodshot eyes.

'I love you,' Draco blurts. 'Not like a brother but not like a soul mate either and if it wasn't for my cousin I'd try and convince you to come with me.'

Theo smiles sadly. 'You're off your face.'

'No, I'm right and I'm determined and I love you.'

Draco wishes it were like a soppy romantic play, that Theo would confess his love too and they'd be together forever. But Draco also knows that if he did, if they were together, it would never last and it would break them both and he knows that Theo loves his cousin. But still, he believes himself to be deserving of a selfish hope.

'Draco, listen to me. We were a mistake, just one big mistake. We aren't in love, so get your head over this. You need to move on.'

Theo slams his door in Draco's face and he finally realizes he has been wondering in another circle and he's come back to begging his best friend for love because he's pathetic.

Draco finally does something selfless. He gives up all thoughts of drugs and Theo and moves to Australia because it's like the opposite of England weather wise. Australia is beautiful and Draco finds himself lost in the new feeling of life. He's lazing around in a Wizarding part of Sydney when he sees Potter.

'Malfoy? What're you doing here?'

Potter looks amazingly breathtaking and Draco is so taken back he thinks, for a second, that he's in another of his weed induced visions. It doesn't take him long to respond. Looking back he wasn't so sure about the details of their exchange but he distinctively remembers asking Potter out and the rest well, he likes to think of it as History.

When he returns to England with Harry he tracks down Theo. Theo has more kids and works at a gallery and Draco teases him for such normality. His most renowned painting makes Draco's throat tighten.

The paint is blurred and hazy but you can see two people, wrapped together, under the inky, endless sky and when he looks very closely he can see the faint image of the joint dangling from the fingertips.

Draco asks if Theo has ever admitted to the painting's subjects or the event. Theo shakes his head. 'I like to think of it all as a dream,' He admits. ''Cause it kind of always was, you know? You and me and that hazy, strange world we made. But now that we're on solid round, back in reality, that world is just a dream.'

It was all just the strange haze of things.

**-TBC-**

**Please review! **

**With love,**

**Harpy Wings**


	2. Chapter 2

Theo's POV.

**Part 2**

Theo hated the smell of it. When Blaise had presented his 'miraculous' finding to himself and Draco he had instantly recoiled from the stench and the way his head had gone light and fuzzy. It was like alcohol, but without the blackouts, and he wondered if it was better or worse. He never told the others but he was insanely nervous to try the stuff. He wasn't much into the Muggle world or any of their inventions. As he took it from Draco, swallowing hard, he took only one, small sharp intake. It was enough to make his eyes water but he held back a cough that was lodged in his throat.

Of course, as all things do, it became easier to breathe the smoke and Theo found himself relaxing into the haze it so famously brought on. He becomes detached, alive in a way that could never really be possible. He's another person and he loves it more then he has loved anything before. He can even put up with the wretched smell just to experience such a high.

Theo loves Blaise and Draco like brothers, and he's sure he's going to love them forever more. He's scared, more then anything else, that he'll loose them. So scared that they'll desert him he sometimes holds them at arms length, a natural instinct to make sure he isn't harmed. Despite his sometimes burst of coldness and his random snappish moods the two never leave and Theo could sometimes cry in gratitude because they're around, because they haven't pulled the same stunt as his beloved mother.

When Draco tells them in the midst of his high that he loves Potter, Theo laughs without really knowing why. He's always suspected because no one can hate someone so fiercely without having a deeper link. Theo knows this because he despises his father to the darkest reaches of damnation but he can not help but seek any sort of love or approval from him. Theo has never told anyone so before, he likes to keep the illusion he hates him.

They start to venture outside during their Friday rituals and they sit under the stretch of star dotted sky. Blaise has the joint, dancing to the beat that drums through his mind. Draco and Theo lay together in the stands, their only connection their laced hands. Draco is oddly warm against Theo and he wonders why he feels so cold.

"I think I love you," Draco says softly, the words less aimed at Theo then the sky.

Theo briefly wonders if he's talking to the sky, but thinks against it. He's high, not stupid. "Same here."

"No," Draco says, shaking his head. "I think I _love _you."

Theo doesn't say anything, he feels he doesn't. He loves Draco deeply, dearly, but it isn't life shattering or mind blowing or what he really wants. Deep inside him the fear of being left stirs and Theo feels sick. When they go inside Theo keeps their hands laced, his cold constricting with Draco's heat. Theo kisses him in the entrance, the sky a backdrop to the less then romantic setting. He can taste the smoke and the warmth and he feels like he's home.

He tries to imagine himself in love with Draco. It's strange, but he thinks it's there.

The months of being 'in love' with Draco are strange. He can hardly imagine anything less romantic then kissing Draco, when he's high, of course, and he has a sneaking suspicion that Draco may be picturing Potter in his place, but he never asks.

Theo never thinks of them sleeping together. But when he's had a particularly heavy night of drugs and he feels more light and more out of himself then normal, he thinks it may just be right, in their own way. He looses his shoe somewhere under a bed and the button on his jeans gets yanked off. Even though he feels sick, even though his body screams that this is fucked up and stupid, he goes along with it, as long as he reminds himself that Draco _loves _him, that he owes him this, he'll be all right.

Draco moans Potter's name in his ear. Theo leaves before Draco even falls asleep.

It was Blaise's idea to go to Hogsmead baked. Theo is laughing over everything and he doesn't even bother wearing shoes. People give them strange looks as they stumble their way down the street, laughing over a woman's hat and a child's shoe. When they take a breather on a bench Theo sees him. Even though his mind isn't functioning properly he's instantly drawn.

"Theo, man, where you goin'?" Blaise slurs from somewhere behind Theo.

Theo isn't so sure but he's starting to sober up and at least appear normal as he makes his way to him. Somewhere in his mind it registers that he knows this guy from somewhere. As he draws closer he remembers stuffy Malfoy parties, he was a cousin of sorts. Theo draws ever closer and the haze begin to clear and he's almost 100 sober. Almost.

Draco's cousin looks up and if Theo wasn't already high he's pretty sure he'd be from just looking at his eyes.

"Sam, right?" He asks said Draco's cousin (He's almost sure it's something short starting with S. Sam? Sim? Sid?)

"Sin, actually," He says with a faint trace of a smile and Theo forgets all about Draco and their fucked up relationship.

Theo doesn't expect Sin to ever send a letter or even see him again but barely two days later he asks him out and the usual sober, cynical Theo flies out the window to be possessed by some sort of girly ghoul. He doesn't tell Draco about the date, doesn't feel much need to, although he feels the slightest bit of guilt, and fear that the other will leave him.

The date is strange in the sense that it is oddly perfect. Theo is in love and he doesn't even know Sin's full name.

He doesn't kiss him, not after three dates. They're laying in the stands and Theo isn't high, the sky looks like a blanket of navy blue and Theo breathes deeply, wanting to feel _everything_. They're pressed together on the bench, Sin's warmth comforting.

"What are you most afraid of?" Sin asks softly.

Theo breathes in sharply, the air stinging his throat. He has never felt so _alive _while not blitzed out of his skull.

"I guess…I'm afraid of being abandoned," He admits, sheepishly. "I don't wonna be left alone."

They turn their heads simultaneously and Sin smiles softly. "I don't plan on going anywhere." Their lips touch softly and all Theo can taste is warmth and _Sin _and he's intoxicated.

On Friday when Draco leans in to kiss him, Theo pushes him gently away. "I'm dating your cousin." It's the strange way of saying 'it's all over, for good.'

Theo never tells Sin about Draco because he doesn't feel the need to. Draco was part of some dreamy, hazy world that he feels no need to be a part of. That's why he gives up using and alcohol, although he never tells Sin about this either because he never knew he was into them from the beginning. Blaise whines and bitches but Theo puts his foot down because he's always been stubborn.

While Draco mopes over Potter Theo finds himself in his own dramatic mess. It's barely three months into his relationship with Sin when his father finds out that Theo may be pregnant, from loudmouth Pomfrey, no less. While Draco whimpers about Potter and the Weaselette while flying high, Theo deals silently with his worst nightmare as his father leaves him, with nothing.

He panics when he realizes he has nothing, only a small fortune from his mother, already half used by his father, his friends and Sin, all of whom he leaves in the dark. He wants to believe he knows how to deal with it all, he wants to find a way, but he can't.

When he finally breaks and realizes he'll have to tell Sin because seriously, who _isn't _going to wake up to it all, especially when Theo has no where to stay during the summer, but the words are lost in Sin's.

"Marry me?"

Theo never tells him he was abandoned by his father. Sin never asks, but Theo has a feeling he just _knows_. The wedding comes fast and Theo is even more surprised when he's actually _liked _by Sin's strange family.

The day before the wedding Theo is filled with dramatics. He kisses Draco softly before whispering against his lips, "I never loved you." He marries Sin but never once looks at Draco.

He graduates, going through the rest of the school as a Von Hellfire. Theo keeps his artistic flare alive and paints, although nothing ever gets publicity or even finished. He has a child, even though he's never really liked children, but he's completely in love with his child like any normal parent. Draco hangs around and coos over Theo's child too. He still does Friday night rituals but he's at least got some direction. Sin is yet to find out and Theo feels no need to flaunt the signs.

Draco promises to stay with Theo one night while Sin leaves on business. Before his former lover arrives Theo kisses Sin softly, feeling the rush of emotion he can only achieve from Sin.

"I'll be back soon," Sin promises softly.

When the house is quiet and still Draco drags Theo outside and proceeds to light up a joint. He offers to Theo, whose nose already stings with the smell, and Theo takes it, with a little hesitation. He's amazed that he can still manage to breathe it in without chocking to death.

Draco leans casually against the side of the house and Theo hopes that his son is too far gone in sleep to come wondering out. Theo can feel Draco's stare on the side of his face as he asks, "Do you love him?"

Theo turns his face away and lets the smoke billow from his mouth in a rush of grey. "Yes." Merlin only knows how much.

"Did you love me?"

Theo turns to him, smiling dopily. He's sure his eyes are already cloudy. "I love you Draco, but I was never _in _love with you."

"I think I love you."

Theo would have frowned if he wasn't in such a happy state of mind. "No you don't. You think you do because I'm the only person you've been with and because Potter never loved you. Look at you, Draco, you're still doing this shit and still chasing yourself 'round in circles. You need to grow up out of being sixteen."

Theo doesn't see Draco for a time. He hears from Blaise that he's stopped smoking and that he's got a stable boyfriend. Zan, or something. Theo feels a little anxious about Draco's lack of contact; he can feel the fear of abandonment rising within him.

Sin tries to quell his fears but Theo can not be resolved. Instead he tries painting again. He had always had a talent for Art but it had been put to little use over the years but he feels as though now is the perfect time to stretch his muscles some more.

Theo finds out his pregnant again a few weeks after he takes up art. Sin finds him packing away the paints and easel.

"What's wrong?" His eyes are filled with worry as he regards Theo, trying o figure out the right move. Theo could be a ticking time bomb when he was overly emotional and Theo couldn't blame his caution.

"I can't paint for a while," Theo says calmly.

Sin asks why, his voice even more confused and Theo smiles at how cute he is, all lost like a puppy.

"Fumes are bad for the baby, or at least that's what I've heard. At any rate I don't want to risk it, besides, it'll all be here in nine months time."

Sin doesn't stop grinning for _months_.

Draco turns up on Theo's doorstep while Sin is out, giving Theo sometime alone while his mood swings go haywire. Draco's eyes are bloodshot and Theo knows he's stoned.

"I love you," Draco blurts. "Not like a brother but not like a soul mate either and if it wasn't for my cousin I'd try and convince you to come with me."

Theo smiles sadly. "You're off your face."

"No, I'm right and I'm determined and I love you."

Theo wonders just how much of this Draco has rehearsed and he figures at least once or twice. "Draco, listen to me. We were a mistake, just one big mistake. We aren't in love, so get your head over this. You need to move on."

He slams the door in Draco's face in a fit of hormones and fumes over a slab of chocolate for a good hour while Sin subtly tries to ask what's wrong without causing him to explode. Theo feels horribly guilty later that night when he's kicked Sin out of their room and crawls in beside him in the guest room, pressing close to him.

"I love you," Theo whispers, feeling as though he hasn't said it nearly enough. "Only you."

Draco, apparently, moves to Australia. He goes to his apartment to see for himself and Draco is gone. Sin buys him toxic-free paints and Theo tries again, hazy, incoherent images floating breezily through his mind. He finishes sometime after the baby is born, between sleepless nights and doting parental moments his creation is finished.

He shows it to Blaise first, who is stoned at the time and falls off his chair laughing because his mind is fuzzy enough to understand what it is. When he shows Sin he's more then grateful that he doesn't realize.

When Draco returns Theo is more then amazed when he finds out that Draco and Potter are finally together, after years of heartache that blonde had finally landed the man of his dreams.

Theo shows him the painting when it's hung in the gallery. He's more then terrified that Draco won't understand, but he does. He asks if he's ever admitted to the subject.

"I like to think of it all as a dream," He admits. "'Cause it kind of always was, you know? You and me and that hazy, strange world we made. But now that we're on solid round, back in reality, that world is just a dream."

But the dream is gone and to Theo, reality feels so much better.

**-FIN-**

* * *

**There. I wrote this as a sort of 'sorry' for accidentally putting '-TBC-' at the end of last chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I don't think I like it as much as the other, but Theo's abandonment issue goes for all the other fics I've written him in. I really do think he's just needy for someone to stay. Anyway, rambling, so please REVIEW to make me smile.**

**With love,**

**Harpy Wings**


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